A Brief Answer

I woke this morning at 4am, anxious about the drive ahead and unable to fall back asleep. And so, after spending half an hour trying to figure out how to cram everything into my car and still be able to see out the window, I hit the road a little earlier than planned. I discovered that when one wakes so early after only sleeping a few hours, one is famished by 6am. But because it’s rather difficult to pick up gluten-free breakfast on the road, I made my own breakfast of champions: a few handfuls of dry g-free cereal, peanuts, potato chips, and M&Ms. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

As I headed west, I glanced in my rearview mirror to catch the sun just beginning to rise over the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was a gorgeous burst of blues and reds, which mimicked the current condition of my heart. Blue because it’s grieving the end of one journey, and red because it is still beating and hopeful for the journey ahead.

People keep asking why I’m moving back to Oklahoma, and I haven’t given many answers. The best answer I can give you right now is that it’s just what I need to do in this season. I loved being a dorm parent to the girls at the school, but I did not sign on to go back next year. I’m having some health issues and did not have a good doctor in Virginia, so I’m going to see someone I know and trust back home. I’m going to look for work, which I was never able to find in Virginia outside of the dorm parent job. I’m going to plug back into my community there and lean on my support system as we do life together. And beyond that, I’m not sure what will happen or where I’ll go next.

So it’s another day, another adventure. I’ve had several realizations over the last couple of weeks, and I’m sure I’ll have many more in the days to come. What I know for sure is still the same: God is the only constant in my life, He never changes as the shifting shadows, and I can trust Him for my future as I have trusted Him with my past.

For now, I’m going to try to just be still and listen to the silence.

Oh, for the record, when one wakes at 4am and begins a cross-country drive, one is also ready to sleep again by 9am. I was so tired that my eyes started crossing, so I was responsible and pulled over to a rest area for a little cat nap. When I woke again approximately 22 minutes later, I looked up to see a strange man at my window watching me while eating popcorn. Suddenly, I got a second wind and took off again.

I think it’s time for another nap in the privacy of my hotel room.


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